Wednesday, April 22, 2015

24 yrs of hell but I'm surviving

The following was sent to us via the "Tell Us Your Story" form and posted with the users permission.

By Doug:
After reading many of other members stories, I noticed many of the same frustrations and questions. I am compelled to tell my story to help support others and possibly get some in return.

My first wife falsely accused me of raping my 2 yr old daughter in 1990. I suppose only she truly knows why, buy as for me I can only speculate. She had been involved in an affair in which I tried to gain custody of our daughter but backed out and attempted to reconcile. A short time later she gave birth to a son (most likely another man's child). That child was sickly and was in and out of the hospital every other week. I had to work and take care of our daughter when they were at the hospital. I also had an accident that put me out of work during this time for 6 months.We were actively discussing divorce and when I went back to work I put in for a transfer to get closer to home as a means of still trying to make my marriage work. The day before my transfer I was arrested and charged with rape. It was a holiday weekend but my folks were able to bond me out before the Judge left town. That same night I discovered my wife had a new man with her (She eventually married him). I can be a bit naive at times but I am certain he must have already been in the picture and her second affair was in full swing. I spent from 1990 to 1999 fighting for simple visitation, on repeated false accusations that were later dropped. In 1999 I was on my third marriage and in good standing to get full custody of my children, due to the repeated antics of my X wife. A few months before that court date I was surprised by a newspaper article saying I had been indited by the Grand Jury. This time it was a charge coming from one of my current wife's non-custodial children. To make a long story short, I had to abandon my custody hopes and due to court rules of admissibility, my lawyers convinced me that a plea bargain was my best hope. (During this time I had an emotional break down and attempted suicide) It was a case of a child's word against mine. I have not touched any of these children, but with SO stigma, it simply was not a risk I was willing to take and gamble with my freedom. I took a plea of abuse 2nd (I was told it didn't require registration) Later I discovered that wasn't true.

After my plea adjusting to life as a RSO has been difficult and depressing to say the least. I have tortured myself with worry and depression. I've lived through the relationship breakdowns and heartaches from X's attempting custody because of me. We all know who the looser is in these scenarios. The problem being most of us have the same basic human need to be loved (Normal Adult Relationships). I've had to not pursue relationships because of children. I've had grandchildren used as a vice. Thank God I have a wife that is sticking by my side. There are still events that cause drama, but Faith in God and holding your head high is the best advice I can give. You don't OWE anybody shit, except the same courtesy you expect in return. Above all be honest from the start and mistrust in the system is well earned.


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