By D:
I will be 65 this year. I was released from probation last Dec. Since then I have not been able to find work. I was a software engineer. I have been told that I should try to do consulting work. I have not been able to find such work either. I have been visited by the sheriffs dept 4 times in the past 3 months. I asked why and the response was it was their quarterly check. When I told them they were just here last month they said that it was the end of the last quarter and the beginning of the next quarter.
I can't seem to live in peace. They don't do anything to me except show up. I don't know what to do? I fear that if I forget to register one time I will get arrested.
But what if it was just that I forgot. I think in Nevada, they at least send you a reminder to register. I am afraid of my forgetting. Has anyone found a solution to this problem? I am looking to sell my house, which I own, and move to a retirement community.
When I did a Google search on my address, I find ME listed as a sex offender there. I can't get away from any of this. I am starting to feel panic. What about the rest of my life.
I had an acquaintance while I was in jail. He was a Chaplain. I kept in touch with him for the past 5 years. He is blind. I actually drove him from the jail to his house for the last 6 months. I really thought he cared.
However, I find out he is just like the rest. He won't ask me into his house. I gave him music on some cd's I made for him and they didn't work on his computer. I asked if I could come in to see if I could help. There was NO reply. I asked if I could take him out to dinner and again I kept getting put off.
I feel like I am at the end. I don't know what else to try.
Sorry for the self pity. I have no one else to express this to. My wife doesn't want to hear me any more. My one friend doesn't really know what to say either.
Again, sorry for the self pity.
Dear D:
ReplyDeleteI would like to respond to your post just to let you know that there are people who will read what you have written and also to let you know that there are people out there who are still genuinely good, decent people. I do not know the specifics of your case, but I do know that nobody deserves to be branded with the label that we all are forced to live under. If someone is truly, truly dangerous, then they should not be let out of prison, and even if they are, law enforcement has plenty of resources to monitor them without getting the public involved. Many, not all, but many do see the registry as just a way to publicly shame and humiliate people. Many people also believe that humiliation and shaming is morally wrong, towards anyone. My point, and what I would like to convey to you, is that there ARE people out there who care and will be your friend. In a time like where you're at (fairly recently released) it's very important to find someone, anyone just to talk to. Look for a sex offender counseling group. I'm not sure if you are on parole or probation, but usually parolees and probationers are made to go to these groups. There, you will at least be able to voice your concerns with other people who are dealing with the same thing. If that's not for you, then just go out and make a conscious effort to meet someone you can talk to and tell your story. I have to reiterate my point that there ARE still people out there who understand compassion and forgiveness and will talk to you and treat you like a human being. Those who get off on shaming others, well, they aren't worth your (or anyone's) time. Hope this helps and best of luck getting back in the swing of things.
John
If someone is out of prison and completed probation/parole, then nobody should be monitoring them, period!
DeleteFL - Run........
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of people in this exact position.
Here are a couple of suggestions:
....Get a worth while hobby, stay mentally active,.
....Go on line(if possible) and research the what it takes to get of the registery.
....You seem educated, START YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
....Buy several wall calenders and make a note
10 days before and 10 days after your birthday as a minder to do two things;
A] register &
B] TREAT YOURSELF TO A REALLY NICE DINNER.
You are not alone in this matrix. It can either be a real mess or a miracle.
You choose.
"Do what works..better...more often." FAJL 1956
Like the old hermit said,''it's okay to be alone, just not lonely.''
Good Luck.
Read this site often. It helps give perspective.
Best Regards
F.A.Leonetti
FL - Run,,,,,,,,,
ReplyDeleteAddendum
IMO...Do Not Sell Your Home..It is your haven it is you safety zone your know. Some of the gated residences are more restrictive than where you are now. Research it out.
Good Fortune & Many Success
F.A.L
Hi John,
ReplyDeleteI think we chatted earlier in the year and sorry to hear of your continued hardship. Yes, Florida is still one the most unappealing places to live as an RSO, whether you are on supervised release or not. I agree with FA Leonetti, your home is your haven legally and financially. If you move into a retirement community, even if you are accepted initially, there is no grandfathered guarantee that you'll be able to stay there if they the community decides to change their rules (or if you are too much bad press for them). So moving within FL might not fix your problem and may expose you to new ones.
As for your forgetting: since you have access to the internet, set up a Google Calendar with the reminders and sync it with your smartphone if you have one.
Sometimes in our situation the people who have supported you in the past have done their duty and one cannot expect them to be at your side throughout your whole ordeal. Finding new and varied supports (like here) is the best thing to do.
Finally, you might want to consider making a big shift in your life if you are simply not going to be happy in FL. I know at your age its not ideal but it's something to be open to I believe. For instance, since I've been off probation for a year, no one bothers me here in MA other than for my annual registration. Martha's Vineyard is a great place to retire :)
Best of Luck,
Richard