|Abigail Van Buren|
The article above requires you to log in to comment, but this one doesn't.
DEAR ABBY: My husband recently asked how I would feel about him buying a plane ticket for his brother "Jake" to visit us and his parents over the holidays. I told him I wouldn't like it - not because my husband would be paying for the ticket, but because Jake is a registered sex offender.
My husband is now upset with me, saying Jake "served his time." I understand that, but the underage girl he messed around with was his niece. My daughter is 10 and starting to develop. She's also affectionate with family. I don't want her hugging Uncle Jake.
My husband and I are now not speaking. He told me that if his family isn't welcome in our house, he will start treating my family badly. Am I wrong for not wanting Jake sleeping under the same roof as my daughter?
- Protective Mom in the Midwest
DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: No, you're not wrong. That your husband would try to blackmail you into allowing a registered sex offender to sleep in the same house as your adolescent daughter is deplorable. Your daughter is old enough to be told that Uncle Jake has a problem with young girls, and that if he ever makes a move on her, you want to know immediately.
It isn't like Jake did time for bank robbery. Sex offenders are usually prohibited from having contact with minors. The man has a sexual impulse disorder that shouldn't be ignored, and your husband should not allow any risk that your daughter might be molested.
Dear Abby, I agree with you that she is not wrong, but what about having him sleep at a local hotel/motel? Did you ever think about that? And yes, he has served his time. She also doesn't say when the crime occurred. If it was a long time ago, then people do change. And what about talking with "Jake" and setting boundaries with him, and also being a parent and not letting your child get too affectionate with "Jake?" If you are in the room, what is wrong with a hug or something? If he breaks the rules, kick him out the door! And not all sex offenders are prohibited from having contact with minors. Also, how do you know he has a "sexual impulse disorder?" Did you diagnose him or something? It may have been something he did as a child, she doesn't mention that, but yet you assume it was recent, by your own words.