View the article here11/04/2007LANCASTER COUNTY - Last week, as Halloween came and went, children were surrounded by scary creatures, mostly of the imaginary variety.
Talking to children about make-believe monsters can be easy. Talking to kids about truly frightening beings — adults who would seek to hurt them — is a more daunting task.
How grownups handle this difficult subject is a matter of concern to child-safety experts — and a matter of some controversy, according to a recent column in the Wall Street Journal.
A columnist for that newspaper asserted that grown-ups were teaching children to fear men in an effort to keep kids safe from abusers and would-be abductors.
That paper noted that children who get lost in public places are encouraged to look for a "low-risk adult" — such as a pregnant woman, or a mom pushing a stroller — to help them. It pointed out that airlines place unaccompanied minors with female passengers, not male ones.
And it discussed child advocate John Walsh's warning that parents should never hire male baby sitters.
Walsh is the host of Fox's "America's Most Wanted." After his own son, Adam, was abducted and murdered in 1981, Walsh became one of this country's best-known crusaders for the protection of children.
"It's not a witch hunt," Walsh told the Wall Street Journal. "It's all about minimizing risks. What dog is more likely to bite and hurt you? A Doberman, not a poodle. Who's more likely to molest a child? A male."
These comments by Walsh set off a firestorm. So, too, did a billboard campaign launched by Virginia's Department of Health last summer. Aiming to publicize its Stop It Now! help line, which people can call if they suspect abuse, the state paid for billboards for one month.
The billboards featured a photo of a man holding a child's hand, and the caption, "It doesn't feel right when I see them together."
The National Fatherhood Initiative, founded in Lancaster and now based in Maryland, promotes the involvement of fathers in their children's lives. The fatherhood organization was among the groups outraged by the implication that a man holding a child's hand should be considered sinister.
Vincent DiCaro, director of public affairs for the organization, said the billboards unfairly suggested that all men were threats to children.
According to the Crimes Against Children Research Center, the perpetrators of sexual abuse are overwhelmingly male.
But, said DiCaro, the "vast, vast majority of men are not sexual abusers." He said that fearmongering that suggests that children are not safe around any men "can discourage men from being involved in children's lives."
And the absence of a father, or another trustworthy man, in a child's life actually can make that child more vulnerable to a predator, DiCaro said.
Richard Kerper, a professor in elementary and early childhood education at Millersville University, said his male students are very conscious of the challenge they will face, teaching children in a world that sometimes looks askance at men who work closely with little kids.
"Unfortunately, with all that's gone on, it's the modern world, and it's an issue that we have to deal with," he said.
He said the university addresses professional conduct throughout the education curriculum — with its female and male students alike.
"We're not dealing with it in a sensational way," he said. "We're just trying to make all students aware of what is appropriate and inappropriate."
One student recently told him that he'd been taught to hug a student without really touching that student — it was kind of an air-hug method.
Kerper has two school-age daughters of his own, so he said he understands the need for caution where children are concerned.
But he said he would hate to see this concern discourage young men from choosing careers in early education. Young boys, like young girls, need role models, he said. "We need diversity of all sorts in our classrooms."
The fear factorThose who are working to prevent sexual violence, and other forms of abuse against children, say it doesn't help to make children fearful of men – or fearful at all, for that matter.
Child-safety experts say that parents need to talk about this subject, even if it scares them deeply, without passing on their fear to their kids.
"Fear is not a good motivator or teaching tool," said Nancy McBride, national safety director for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
"Kids live in the real world," McBride said. "They know it's a scary place. ... We don't need in any way to reinforce any kind of fear. That is just so counterproductive."
McBride said that adults, first of all, need to make it clear to children that the onus of assuring their safety "rests squarely on our shoulders as adults."
Moreover, she said, "the whole stranger-danger thing needs to be retired — put in a museum or something."
The reality, she and other experts stress, is that children most often are victimized by people they know rather than by strangers.
According to the Crimes Against Children Research Center, acquaintances are most often the perpetrators of child sex abuse, followed by family members, and then strangers.
One Lancaster mom of a teenage girl said she never let her daughter out of her sight when they were outside of their city home. She was careful not to let her daughter be on the Internet, unsupervised. She warned her child to run screaming if any stranger attempted to get her into his car.
It never occurred to her, she said, to prepare her daughter for the unwanted advances of junior-high boys, and she was shocked to realize those boys were the most real threat her child ever had faced. When school officials were unresponsive, dismissing the incidents as boys being boys, this mom said she took her daughter to therapy — and to karate classes.
Weaving a safety netIt's probably easier to discuss the specter of a faceless, threatening stranger, than to talk about threats from the real people in a child's life, this mom acknowledged.
It may be easier, but it may not always be helpful, said McBride of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
Indeed, she said, there may be an instance when children may need to seek help from strangers.
McBride cited the case of the 11-year-old Boy Scout who was lost in the Utah wilderness for four days in June 2005. The boy saw rescuers on horseback, but avoided them, because his parents had told him never to talk to strangers.
McBride said children who become separated from their parents or care-givers in a public place should be told to seek out "low-risk helping adults" — a store clerk wearing a name tag, a uniformed law enforcement officer, or a grown-up who is with other children.
As for the latter, she said, it most likely will be a woman: the reality is that women are more likely to be at the mall, or grocery store, with children. But McBride said she doesn't specifically tell children to seek out only women.
She does warn grown-ups, however, against ever telling their children that if they misbehave, they're going to call the police. "We really want kids to know that there are people who can help them," she said. "We cannot leave our children surrounded by a sea of strangers, quote-unquote, so they have no safety net."
She does not rule out men from being part of this safety net. Said McBride: "I think the risk there is, are we eliminating half of the population who essentially could come to a child's aid, if a child was in trouble?"
Carol Nodgaard, special projects and prevention coordinator for the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape, said that where sexual abuse is concerned, "men need to be part of the solution."
The Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape is piloting a program called the "HERO Project," which encourages non-mandated reporters — people who are not required by law to report abuse — to pay attention to, and report, suspected child sexual abuse.
Nodgaard said men, as well as women, need to take responsibility for the safety and well-being of children. And men, she said, can be instrumental in changing a male culture that subtly, and not so subtly, encourages the devaluing of girls and women.
Jodi Reinhart, director of prevention education for the YWCA of Lancaster, said that parents can help their kids by teaching them the correct names for all of their body parts. And, she said, "The same way you would teach a child to cross the street, you'd give them rules about touching."
Parents should not insist that their kids kiss or hug anyone. "This teaches them that they're not in control of their bodies," she said.
Some parents are reluctant to talk about these issues with very young children, but this is about "body safety," not sexuality, and "it's about empowering children," she said.
Research indicates that one in four girls, and one in six boys, will be sexually abused or assaulted by the time they reach the age of 18, Reinhart said, and so it's imperative that parents start teaching their kids from an early age that their bodies are their own.
Reinhart said she wouldn't rule out hiring male baby sitters, but she would recommend that parents be very careful when choosing anyone to watch their kids.
"Sometimes, we just choose a child down the street because they're old enough," Reinhart said.
Parents, she said, should get references for their baby sitters. Even if the baby sitter is a teen who's going to look after a child only occasionally, the parents should talk to other parents who have used that baby sitter.
John Walsh isn't the only one who warns against hiring male baby sitters. The Web site Safer Child Inc. also urges caution, saying that statistically, a child is at greater risk of being sexually abused by a male baby sitter than by a female one.
But Nodgaard of the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape said it would be simplistic to say that "if you never hire a male baby sitter, your child is going to be safe from sexual abuse."
Parents should pay attention to anyone — Sunday school teacher, coach, music teacher, baby sitter — who is spending time with their children, and they should be aware of how those people behave around their kids, she said, noting, "Parents just need to pay attention and trust their gut."
Suzanne Cassidy is a staff writer for the Sunday News. Her e-mail address is scassidy@lnpnews.com.
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